Letting Go and Embracing the Future

Our impending move to Oregon is right around the corner, and I have found myself feeling very sentimental recently... blame it on being pregnant if you will, but I think it has more to do with realizing the blessings in my life. Yes, in San Diego, there are countless friends and relationships I am sad to leave, family rituals and traditions I am reluctant to let go of, and have a general heavy heart as I think of closing the chapter on this place where we've begun our family... but all of these things have made our lives richer, sweeter. Jeremy and I have shared a few conversations about our memories dating here, being newlyweds here, and having our first baby here. Yes... sweet, sweet memories.

I am especially sentimental when I think of Harper... and the fact that our time with JUST her is ending in a handful of weeks when we welcome her little brother. I felt this same way about not wanting to let go of life just being Jeremy and I, right before Harper was born. So much joy has followed Harper entering into our lives, and I know we'll feel the same overwhelming joy when our little boy joins us. Nonetheless, it has made me pause, in the midst of our busy routine, and just hug her and tell her I love her once more... because I can't stop time and she's growing up way too fast.
I know in this moment she doesn't comprehend all the change in front of us, but I do... and I want to cherish every minute I have with just my girl. Tears fill my eyes as I write - because of the love she has brought into our lives... and (it may sound funny to some) the simple fact that as a stay-at-home mom... she has been my little girlfriend. All the frustrations of discovering a dirty diaper just as I buckle her in the car-seat, cleaning up spilled milk on my carpet, or nights of interrupted sleep fade away when held next to the brightness of her spirit, the sweet little kisses she gives me, or the way she says "mama" when she really needs me.

No amount of words on a page can express the love a mother has for her child... it is a deep love that makes my heart ache when I think of having to "let go" of this chapter to fully embrace the gift of the future. Never before have I wanted so badly to freeze time and never so badly have I wanted to express something that I know won't be fully understood until Harper has kids of her own someday...

So for now, I am kissing and hugging her more, soaking up all the little moments with her, and continually thanking God for the incredible blessing of being a parent.